Moms with Boxing Gloves

Let the mommy wars begin! In the first ring, the working mom, struggling to find that tight balance as supermom and breadwinner, working professional and available nurturer. Opposite of her, the stay at home mom, knee deep in toys and trying to maintain an identity, any identity, outside her home.

It seems this debate, working versus staying at home, comes in waves, depending on what expert has spoken out on the topic or has given birth in the last few years. Apparently, the mommy wars are back and some mom’s are pulling out all the punches. Linda Hirschman has exploded onto the scene, with outspoken views on how mother’s should live their lives. She focuses on the new trend of college educated women ‘opting out’ of the workforce to stay home with their children.

Some stay at home mom’s have jumped into the ring, not happy being told that their way of life is sub-par to the working woman. Most recently, Darla Shine came out with a book Happy Housewives and is calling all mom’s to join the wave of her mamanist movement. She has come under a lot of criticism for her views on keeping a perfectly kept house and body for your family and husband. I agree with the spirit of her book, but not all of the specifics. She obviously doesn’t have toddler age children so she can make the time for going to the gym, keeping up with the latest fashions, and getting out of her pajamas before her husband comes home from work.

A new magazine has also emerged called Total180! (www.total180mag.com), which represents the spin on your life when you trade in your briefcase for a diaper bag. The three creators wanted to create a forum for at home moms to share their experiences, laugh at themselves, and show the world that staying at home is real work and that they are proud of it. They target those very women who made the difficult choice to opt out to raise their kids. Critics have also jumped down their throats, calling them a bunch of whiners who aren’t using their educations to their fullest potential. More power to them, but of course I am partial because I belong to their target audience, a college educated at home mom, who also happens to write for their magazine. It takes guts to depict the sludge of everyday life at home, while balancing it with the beauty and rewards of being your child’s primary caregiver.

A segment shown recently on Good Morning America moved me to my computer. It was aptly titled the Mommy Wars and included an interview with Linda Hirschmann and a forum of stay at home and working mothers, including Debbie Klett, one creator of Total180! magazine. Hirschmann definitely has her right to her opinions, but I was appalled by the way she came down on thisgroup of educated women. She called it irresponsible, due to the high divorce rate in America, to jeopardize our earning power. She said it was brainless and monotonous work that few mothers really seem to enjoy. Hirschmann restated again and again that mothers should have no more than one child in order to stay competitive in the workforce. Yikes!

Staying at home is a lot of physical labor, scrubbing the house down, changing diapers, bathing, feeding, and cooking. It is havoc most days, but my family thrives in the chaos because it is housed in love. Certain days are tougher than others, when it is raining outside, the boys are fighting, the laundry is piling, and I watch my husband leave for work with a quiet longing. But, I never have regrets about my education or about opting out to raise my two little legacies. My mind will still be here when my kids are older and I think the education gives me an advantage with my children, in understanding those developmental quirks and my sharpened skills of reverse psychology never go to waste.

Who is to dictate what is best for the individual woman and her family? It is hard enough just being a mother, no matter what side of the ring you are on. It seems such a waste of time to continue this battle of words, saying one type of mother is superior than the other. I’m sure every mother has their doubts, whether they admit it or not, about the choices they make in that million dollar question, when should I go back to work? Staying at home day in and day out can be monotonous, sure, but every day I spent in the workforce wasn’t always intellectually stimulating or personally validating. You must take the garbage along with the grandness, whatever side of the ring you are on. I’m sick of the attacks from both sides and wish we could all come together as a truce and be good role models for our children by not attacking our own kind. All mothers work and all mother’s think. When and how we do this is our own business and we have no right to attack other ways of life and place our way of thinking on a pedestal.