The Kelly State of Mind

Welcome to my newest baby, my little blog I hope to nourish into a thriving hotspot of insight.

OK, I'm a little dramatic about the whole thing, but very excited. A little about me and what my big plans are for this small space on the web. I'm Kelly, 26 years old. One day, I woke up and realized that I am the mother of not one, but TWO sons, who are so young that they still cannot use the potty, pour their own milk, or even play in the backyard by themselves. Young sons who will one day go to school, play on sports teams, get into fights, and even...have girlfriends! How did this happen?

Well, it all started back in my carefree days as a UC Santa Cruz student. While I was wading through the hefty upper division courseload for my American Studies degree, newly single, and slightly wild, I fell hard for a friend of my sister's I had known since my days of braces and junior high angst. Robbie and I had a whirlwind relationship that quickly culmulated into an elaborate marriage a month after I graduated. With a degree in one hand and my new hubby's hand in the other, I began to make my way into true 'adulthood'.

Not long after, I found out I was pregnant after a Point Reyes backpacking adventure with a few friends. Accidental pregnancy? Not exactly,although I was shocked just the same. Pregnancy was an incredible, tortuous time. I was a walking house of worry. But, ironically, I didn't really worry about the important things. Instead of thinking about how a new baby would rock the routine of our freedome-filled lives, I obsessed solely on the labor and delivery. My friends, I obsessed over the WRONG thing. While my labor and delivery torpedoed at lightening speed, the aftermath was somewhat stagnant and frightening. We had a helpless, albeit healthy, newborn son to care for. To feed, to keep relatively clean. To care for all day. Every day. Forever. I finally had to grow up.

The second pregnancy was planned in every possible sense. I had quit my job as an afterschool teacher to be a stay at home mom. The only logical thing to do was pop out another little guy to add to the madness. The boys are exactly 18 months apart, and the birth of my second son was even more life altering. Most days I feel like Gumby, stretched in all directions...to each of my sons' conflicting needs, to a household that is never brought fully into control, to our dog and cat, who always want something at some inopportune moment like when my toddler has dumped a box of cereal on the carpet or my 9 month old has smacked his head on a chair leg, to my husband who I wish I had more alone time with, and to my own dreams...to finally be a published writer.

And this is where my blog comes in. Marriage and birthing kind of crowded my writing to the back burner. Somehow, the fire has been relit and I am finally writing again. I'm ready to put MY stain on the world. I'm wading through stories I wrote back in college, outlining new ones, and generally trying to find the direction I want to move next. But first, Life, which is the kindling for the richest kind of writing of all.

Most of these posts will be raw, slices of life as a full time mother. My total adoration and awe of the man and two little men in my life. The everyday dramas of temper tantrums, whining, Thomas the Train overload, and injuries. The marvels of the everyday miracles of new words, new skills. Call it a diary. Call it future scenes for my novel "Mommy Mayhem and the Girl Who Lost her Mind", call it a small place in cyberspace for me to rant away.

This blog is my pre-website. It is an experiment. It is a tiny metal fishing boat floating in a stormy ocean. Down the road, I will create a site prettier, more varied than dirty diapers and curdled sippy cups. But for now, this will do. So come on by. I plan on posting once a week. Let me know what you think, what you want to hear about. I'll be tapping away on the keyboard as my two year old climbs all over me and my 9 month old figures out the whole crawling thing.